Wow, it’s been a little more than 4 months since my last update. Yikes.
I swear I’ve come here, ready to post, and even start a draft, but then it all seems so boring and blah. Does anyone still read this blog? Does anyone even care? Lol. I’m not sure I do, but I really want to. This post itself has been a draft for almost a month.
This blog used to be such a source of joy for me, but lately it’s fallen off my radar. To be honest, I’m not sure I’m interesting enough to write about. Pandemic fatigue has hit me hard and I feel so uninspired and creatively blocked. Daily life with it’s routine of chores takes up all of my time and most of my mental energy so that I don’t have much left to give at the end of the day when I do get a few minutes of calm to myself.
I’m a stay at home mom, but before I stayed home by choice. Now I’ve been imprisoned in my home forcefully, along with everyone else, for a year now. And I’m starting to lose it. I write this a few days after another province wide lockdown that’s been announced in Ontario, and a stay at home order and I have just had enough.
Last weekend, right before the second (or is it third???) lockdown was announced, we took a quick trip to Niagara Falls for 2 days. It was supposed to be more fun but it was announced that everything was going to be shut down the next day so things were shut down instantly. But it was still nice to get out of the house and break free from our routine, especially since we can’t travel anywhere for awhile.
I used to be happy staying in, watching movies, and doing my own thing, but when you have an overactive almost-four year old, it can become quite draining trying to entertain her day in and out. The weather hasn’t helped either; I usually get seasonal blues during the winter months, and this year it was worse with nowhere to go. It literally felt like we were imprisoned in our house.
To keep busy, I’ve been working with my critique group to revise the manuscript I’ve been editing since last year. I’ve always been eager to ask for feedback and critique, but I haven’t always been willing to offer it. But now I’ve realised the benefit of it; not only is it beneficial to the other writer, but it’s also helpful in recognizing mistakes in your own writing. So it’s a double benefit.
I feel like I’m close to the end with this manuscript and ready to start working on something else. I’m so ready to dive into another world, a fantasy world where I can get lost in.
I’ve been in such a reading funk for the past few weeks. I started 2 books and wasn’t able to finish either of them. They sat on my bedside table for days, maybe calling my name, but I never listened. I’m not sure if they weren’t interesting enough or I’m just mentally fried. TV has been my saving grace.
I love docuseries, and I’m becoming obsessed with true crime ones. They often haunt me and keep up late at night, but they’re weirdly wonderful distractions right now.
Something else that’s been a wonderful distraction has been decorating my daughter’s room. We recently moved her to her own room and that was a whole thing on its own. I think I was freaking out more than my daughter! Even though she’s right next door, it took me awhile to get used to the idea of her being away for me, and it’s just making me realise how quickly she’s growing.
It’s been almost a year since I opened up my own home bakery, and today I made the decision to shut it down. It was with a heavy heart, but it wasn’t doing as well as I had hoped it would, especially not in a pandemic where every other person decided to open a home bakery. It was a lot more work than I anticipated, especially while trying to keep an almost 4 year old entertained during lockdown after lockdown.
I’ve loved baking every since I was a little girl, but when it started to become a chore, I realised it was time to put it to bed. It’s hard when you try to make your passion into your job or business; sometimes it works out, but sometimes it ends up not being as fun as you thought. I didn’t want to end up hating baking so I decided to stop and maybe think about it again in the future. I’m hoping and praying that God has something better in store for me.
Tomorrow is Ramadan and I’m so excited for a new routine and a slight change in schedule, especially since we’re stuck at home for another month or so (praying we aren’t stuck for longer). Ramadan Kareem to all those observing! May it be a month filled with goodnessand mercy.
Thanks for reading, Ikhlas