Today’s the last day of 2017 and what a year it’s been! It was a big year for me and I can’t believe it’s already over.
I still remember being at this point last year, so excited for 2017 to begin. I was expecting my daughter and getting ready to move back to Canada, which couldn’t be more exciting.
2017 is the year my daughter was born, and so it’s probably the best year of my life so far. I don’t think it can get any better than the birth of a baby! I have known immeasurable joy this year, joy that many people dream of, and I couldn’t be luckier. Watching Emaan grow and blossom from her first few days of life to these past few months has been something I could only ever dream about. Her smile just makes me melt and her unwavering and unconditional love for me is something that I am so grateful for. It makes me want to me a better person and a better mother.
This year was also one of the hardest years of my life, for the same reason. Becoming a mother is no easy feat. I never used to understand it when other women would tell me that labour is the easy part, and that raising children is the harder part. I was deathly afraid of giving birth and imagined the rest as a piece of cake. Labour was no piece of cake, but compared to the struggles I face everyday, it does seem like it.
This year I’ve had to battle myself at a level I’ve never before. I’ve discovered some things about myself that I never would have known, if I hadn’t become a mother. For example I never would have learned how lack of sleep affects me so deeply to the point that I do not like myself. I never would have learned the true meaning of patience, a type of patience that I have to practice daily. I never would have discovered what self-sacrifice means.
This year I’ve had to come to terms with finding a middle ground between being selfish and selfless. After becoming a mother, I thought the best way to be one was to be selfless. To give my daughter all of me. And that’s what I did for the first few months. I felt like I was living in a bubble, with no clue what was going on on the outside. But recently I’ve come out of the bubble and realised that I can’t live like that. It isn’t a sustainable way to live. As my mom loves to say, if you’re not good for yourself, you won’t be good for anyone else. And I need to be good for myself.
Right now I want to cling to 2017 a little longer. The past few weeks have flown by and I’m struck with the realisation that it will never be 2017 again. It’s an obvious statement, but 2017 was the year my daughter was born, and after tonight, it will be over. Her whole life has existed in this year and it just makes me realise how young and innocent she is. Her life so far has been measured in months, and next year, when she turns one, that’ll no longer be the case.
It’ll definitely be hard to top this year, that’s for sure! But the next year is only a few hours away, and it’ll be a new adventure.
Thanks for reading,
Ikhlas