This past Monday, I began writing my fourth manuscript. The last time I wrote a full length novel or fiction manuscript was in 2011, which was Aisha.

Even though I’ve had the idea for this one even before Aisha, it took me more than 5 years to finally get around to writing it. And now that it’s been 5 years since I last put my fingers to the keyboard in this way, it’s quite difficult, I have to say.

Over the past few years, I’ve been working on this story, on and off. It’s constantly on my mind, and its persistence in never leaving my thoughts is the reason why I know it should be written. It’s a different story from the last one I wrote, and it requires a lot more work. It’s been roughly planned in my head for a few years now, with several gaps in it, and I’ve been at hard work over the past month in filling in those gaps so I can FINALLY start writing this thing. It happened this Monday.

None of what I wrote so far is magical and nor does it flow well. It’s awkward and my fingers feel crippled as I type the words out. There’s no beauty at all in the language. Every word I type reminds me how long it’s been since I’ve done this and makes me feel guilty about why I waited so long.

I miss the time when it was easier to put my fingers to the page and get my ideas down. There were of course hard days, but it never felt like it was as hard as it is now. It feels like I’m pulling a tooth out of myself, trying to get these words out of head and onto the page.

It honestly feels like I’m back to being a beginner. It’s like I’ve forgotten everything I had learned over my 15 years of experience. I honestly feels like I’m learning to write again.

There are times when I get stuck staring at the blank page, wondering how to phrase things and lose track of time, before I remind myself that at this point, I know the story. I will come to a point where the story is unknown and I will naturally have to take a break, for now, I know how this story begins. So I better get it out before writer’s block really strikes. Because it definitely will.

For now, my goal is to try and write everyday. It’ll definitely be a challenge, but consistency is the only way to get back into this and get some practice again. Otherwise I’ll just get rusty again! So it’s time for me to take a break from my other hobbies and really start to focus on writing again. So that means no more baking or scrapbooking.

Here’s hoping I don’t lose my focus!

Thanks for reading,

Ikhlas